A small one-week feature on what happens when we clean our houses. What bubbles to the surface. What reveals itself to be true. What our junk says about our current state and next steps. What the season does to us.
I’ve been feeling off lately. Slightly anxious. Slightly depressed. Very tired, as if there’s not enough energy (or heart) in me at the beginning of the day to make it to the end. And to hear people talk in Italy, I’m not alone. In fact, I’m right in line with the entire population of this crazy, boot-shaped peninsula. Everyone’s sharing the same tale of woe— clicking their tongues, nodding their heads and intoning:
È il cambio di stagione.
In other words, whatever your problem, deficiency, or malaise, there is a reason for it, and the reason, quite simply is this: The change of season. When I moved to Italy, I poo-poo’d this theory along with its ilk involving cold drafts of air, bare feet, the all-healing powers of sea air, and a full moon’s effect on a haircut. But I have to say, that as time goes by and I allow myself to recognize the way I feel season-in, season-out without viewing it through that American “I can control everything and anything” filter, I do notice that I feel, inside and out, despite my own best efforts, different when Spring comes on. That season characterized by sap rising, saps me completely. Me and everyone around me.
It’s odd. There you are finally surrounded by electric blue skies, acid green buds, life surging relentlessly—everything you dreamed of during the long, winter months—and peculiarly, you feel out-of-it. Not quite able to engage with the sudden eruption of positivity and potential. Out of step with your own life and planet. And the fact that you aren’t glowing with brilliance makes you feel all the worse. But it’s comforting to know you’re not the only one and to be among an entire population that allows Nature to have this rightful, inexplicable power over our inner and outer workings.
It feels good to have friends and strangers alike express the notion that contrary to my feeling that “it’s all my fault,” this time, just maybe, it’s not. There are bigger forces at work. There’s an upheaval taking place. So what to do? Take it a little easy, take stock, clean, rearrange. This is not a call to give up or yield responsibility in situations that you can change, it’s just to say that perhaps there are days and weeks that require something from us other than charging ahead because accomplishment, doing, and busy-ness are the names of the game. There’s a massive transition afoot, and it’s taking something out of us. In a couple week’s time, things will be back to normal, but for now, perhaps it’s best to watch, although tired, and marvel.