Oh, ha ha ha. A couple posts ago, I was writing about mis-en-place as if I lived and breathed it. Now I’m wondering what happened to the organization I used to consider my middle name. It’s been replaced with something…well…else. And I’m reminded of a line one of my writing partners, Janet, wisely squeezed into a script for a TV spot Nike (unwisely) never approved: “Life is messy.” Jeez, is it ever.
We’re moving. I said that the last time I posted. Forgive me if I repeat myself, because that’s what you do when you move. You go a bit nuts for a while. Everything is upside down. Not just the books and boxes and memories and sentimental objects that all of a sudden just seem like something else to get rid of. But also the emotions. I am happy then I’m sad. Giddy then exhausted. Negative than positive. Whatever’s happening, I’m being moved by it. I’m being heaved up by a big tidal wave I invited into my life. You get what you ask for.
And what we asked for starts tomorrow. Tomorrow! Yikes! So, everything feels off. Everything is in flux. And despite all my best-laid mis-en-place plans (yes, I’ve drawn diagrams and floor plans and closet plans and you-name-it plans), I have this funny feeling that things will land a bit differently than I think they will. It’s all very funky.
And in the process of it all, we have revisited every moment of our own lives. Every choice. Every person we knew. Every shred of evidence or shame or glory. Every scrap of paper has been looked at and categorized, sometimes as “Trash,” sometimes as something to be newly enshrined. Every thing, every object has been reassessed. Our life has passed before our eyes, if not in a minute, then in a month of getting ready. The sense of an end is palpable.
But it’s just the end of a chapter. And without ending one chapter, you can’t start another. And that’s what it’s all about. A new, thrilling, different start. As much as I like might like to experience life as someone else, I’ll still be me with flaws and strengths, my quirks and insecurities…but I’ll be seeing the world from a different place. And this will be a new life for me. For us. I’m so excited about that.
We may do everything exactly as we do now. But then again, we may not. I don’t really think we will. A place can have huge impact on how you live, can’t it? Where we have noise now, we will have quiet. Where we have open space, we will have dedicated spaces. Where we now have lots and lots, we will be living with less. Much less. Where we now see cityscape, we will see vines. While we now commute to the center of the city, we will now be in it. A different set of contradictions. A different set of realities.
I don’t know that we will really “get anything right”…I just have faith that it will be. I’ll let you know.
What was the most traumatic move in your life? What move has changed you the most? Where would you move next?
I hope you have a beautiful day.